Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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