these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize