I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
