Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
