Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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