also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
