I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
