Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
