I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize