i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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