thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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