i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
