Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
