Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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