bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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