I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
