We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
