Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
