Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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