the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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