Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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