hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
