it hurts more in the daytime
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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