Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
