Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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