One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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