We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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