If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
