You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
