I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
