Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize