he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
