Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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