One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
