I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
