I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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