U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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