That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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