a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
