I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
