I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
high people should be assigned attendants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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