I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
