you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
