Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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