if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
