the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
