her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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