cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
