Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
