i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
