Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
