Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
