Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
