we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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