just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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