Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
