hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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