he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
