and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
