I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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