Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
