Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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