I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
