make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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