I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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