Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
