Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i love accidental penises.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
