I cockslap morals
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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